It’s probably no big surprise that Deacon and I both have, what might be called, an “unhealthy obsession,” with fighting. We’ve both spent countless hours watching martial arts films, training videos (complete with MST3K style commentary), professional fights, and yes-even poorly filmed street fights. I think there’s a lot to be gained by watching both professionals and awful, awful, really just terrible, street fighters. This isn’t to say there aren’t great, skillful fights, occurring outside a ring, and caught only on what appears to be the first working prototype of a camera phone-but you really have to dig to find them. Lucky for you, we don’t mind digging. I occasionally spend so much time clicking through YouTube fights, that I once found the very first YouTube video. It was, obviously, a group of cats working hard to program the Internet. Yes, cats created the Internet. Suddenly the Internet all makes sense, doesn’t it?

Anyway, this article isn’t about cats (but if you’d like to talk about cats sometime, I’d *LOVE* to talk about cats with you!) but about internet fight videos. After some discussion, we’ve classified street fights into three major categories. They are: 1) All Amateur. These videos feature two people who have no training and very little experience, and it shows. Sometimes these fights still end in brutal knock outs, but this is generally due to luck, having no regard for one’s own personal safety, or a combination of the two. These people swing for the fences just hoping to connect, but display no real understanding of targeting, timing, or strategy. 2) All Pro. These are the opposite of the all amateur fights. Both people involved look like they should be fighting in a ring and for all you know, they were on their way to do just that, but got sidetracked in the McDonald’s/Walmart parking lot. This brings us to our final major category, which is definitely my favorite. 3) The 50/50. We didn’t know what else to call these, but the truth is, a lot of my favorite videos feature one person who knows how to fight, fighting A LOT of other people. So “50/50” may not be entirely accurate, but whether it’s one trained fighter, fighting one other person who doesn’t know how to fight, or ten other people who don’t know how to fight-these are usually the most entertaining.

So ok, watching videos of street fights on the Internet may not be the most sophisticated, classy, or respectable way to spend an evening, but I honestly do believe there are important lessons to be learned from watching other people fight-both well, and not so well. For example: one of the most important lessons I’ve learned watching street fights is that untrained fighters generally have one of two default settings. They either charge in, in an attempt to get their arms around the other person’s waist and then tackle them. Or they charge in, with their head ducked throwing wild hooks at their opponent’s head, with both hands. If you’re spending time with us here at Fortify because your personal safety is something you are concerned with, that’s probably an important lesson to jot down-also: good for you, your personal safety is YOUR responsibility and yours alone, so way to be on the ball with that! Anyway, why don’t you go pour yourself a glass of chardonnay, or merlot, or…Olde English? I actually don’t know much about wine, but go ahead and pour yourself a glass of something to add a little class to this lesson and then we’ll jump right in.

Disclaimer: these videos contain violence (duh) and a lot of NSFW language. Put your headphones on if you’re at work. I won’t be held responsible for you getting stuck in sensitivity training because you chose to watch videos containing lots of F-bombs, and the occasional racial slur, with your speakers on full volume, when you were supposed to be working on a power point presentation on “diversity in the workplace.”

All Amateur:

The Breakdown:
These two girls obviously have a history. They know each other and it’s pretty evident. At the beginning of the video you can see the two girls walking around with their friends, poking around in a chicken shack and for almost two minutes, you wouldn’t even know a fight was about to take place. Then suddenly they’re taking fighting stances and swinging for the fences. They keep taking weird breaks in the fight, to wipe their eyes, tie up their hair, and talk more trash. The girl in the black seems to take the worst of the beating, but none of these hits look like anything devastating…until the shovel comes out.

What Did We Learn?
There are actually a lot of lessons to be learned from this video. And believe it or not, most of them don’t have to do with shovels and not letting your opponent grab a shovel during a fight. But…I mean yeah, probably don’t let your opponent grab a shovel during a fight.

Initially both of these fighters (for lack of a better term, I mean they ARE fighting) charge in and they’re both head hunting. They both swing trying only to really connect with each other’s faces. The fighter in the pink seems to have a bit of success, as she is taller and is able to swing a hammer fist strike, somewhat effectively down onto her opponent’s face. The fighter in black wastes a lot of good flailing attempting to do the same, without much success. The fighter in black might have had a lot more success with body targeting. Her opponent’s torso was left completely unguarded and if she had ducked her head a little bit, to take her opponent’s strikes to the crown of her head, she would have been free to direct strikes to the liver, the ribs, the diaphragm, or any of the other soft, tender, vital organs contained in the abdominal quadrants. Blocking those downward strikes would have been even better, but I’m not asking for miracles with fighters of this skill level. Just stop taking those hits to the face, please.

The fight then goes to a grapple. This is pretty common. Most people don’t enjoy being hit in the face, which is why you’ll very frequently see professional boxers-people who literally get paid to get punched in the face (and also I guess punch other people in the face, though I suspect a lot of people would do that for free) work their way into a clinch with their opponent. These always get broken up by the ref of course (see previous sentence about how they’re being paid to punch) but it gives them a moment of reprieve from those strikes they’re eating. It’s not surprising that the two girls in this video have no grappling experience. Grappling seems to be quite a bit less intuitive than striking, but this video certainly does highlight the importance of grappling. It may not be something you’re ever great at, but understanding grappling concepts is critical if your game plan is to always be striking in fights. Your striking is mostly neutralized once you’re on your back and mounted by your opponent. Even if you have them in your full guard, there are very few effective strikes from that position. You can still be a great fighter if you’re a wonderfully talented striker and just have a decent understanding of grappling concepts. Look at pro fighters like Chuck Liddell and Anderson Silva. They were both predominantly strikers, but were successful as such because they understood grappling well enough to generally be able to avoid getting into wrestling matches with opponents. When they were taken to the ground, they were both very good at quickly getting back to their feet.

Lastly, the fight isn’t over until it’s over. The thing with street fights is there aren’t really any rules. If you know each other, like the two girls in this video obviously did, you may get away with setting some ground rules (I’d suggest “no shovels”) and actually having the other person respect them. This is a gamble, at best. Without a referee, or any authority figure there to enforce rules, there’s no reason to follow them. This also means there’s no fight clock and no bell that’s going to save you.

That’s right! NO BELL TO SAVE YOU!

This means the fight’s not over until someone’s unconscious or dead, the police arrive, or you’re in a different location. If you decide that you’re done fighting, mid fight, that doesn’t mean the other person has come to that same place. If you’re able to reach an agreement, that’s great. But more than likely, you need to leave the area or win the fight.

We suggest the crane kick, because if done correctly, no can defend.

All Pro:

The Breakdown:
Ok, so it’s another arranged fight. But there are no gloves, it’s obviously not sanctioned by any gaming commission, and given the location-it’s still a street fight. Besides, the all amateur fight you just watched was also “arranged,” and look at how that turned out. Also, while I don’t think either of these guys are actually pro, this is definitely more exciting than some of the pro fights I’ve paid good money to see.

This fight starts with an excellent double leg takedown. That slam is pretty textbook and is definitely not something we saw the two ladies above even attempting to execute. We also see some pretty solid groundwork in this video. The guy who decided to keep his shirt on (possibly the first in internet fight history) even pulls full guard on his opponent and attempts to work a sweep from his back. There isn’t too much striking demonstrated in this video, but there are some nice guillotine attempts and we also see both guys fighting either to maintain a full guard position, or pass their opponent’s guard.

What Did We Learn?
I think this video really highlights how prevalent Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is becoming. Shirt looks like he has some striking technique, but once this fight goes to the ground, we see how important having a ground game is. Granted, no one else is jumping into this melee to help either fighter so they’re free to grapple with each other without having to be concerned about getting kicked in the face by their opponent’s friends. There also seems to be a general lack of concern about shovels and as we just learned, that’s probably a mistake.

Really though, I can say this video teaches us the same lessons as the last video did regarding grappling, which is: at least have a decent understanding of it. But we already covered that lesson, so let’s move onto a slightly less obvious lesson.

BE PATIENT! What sets these guys apart from the ladies we just watched “fight,” is not just that they have some good technique, but also that they understand how and when to use those techniques. Shirt uses his jab for distancing, he doesn’t just throw it wildly, hoping to knock Skin out. And yes, I know the video actually introduces both fighters, but I’m trying to be considerate of those of you watching this at work (how’s that “diversity in the workplace” powerpoint coming along?”). Skin gives his opponent a healthy amount of distance, but shoots in and successfully takes the fight to the ground several times. Again, I don’t think either of these guys is going to hold a title belt anytime soon, but they’re worlds apart from 90% of street fights you’ll find on youtube. They both have decent technique, but they’re also both cautious, have good timing, and aren’t just counting on their opponent running his jaw into their hand, to win this fight.

Let’s go back to cats, for a second (don’t act like you didn’t know this was going to come up again). Cats (and other predators that aren’t as awesome as cats) will stalk their prey, observing them for long periods of time before making their attack.

I didn’t have internet access while I was writing this section of the article-so just pretend that’s a picture of a lion about to pounce on a wildebeest.

When we see lions on the hunt, they’re often picking apart an entire herd, mentally, before attacking. The lions will look for weak members of the herd, the sick, the young, or the old. They watch for stragglers when a herd is on the move, because this slower member of the herd is left unprotected and is not liable to put up as much of a fight as a stronger, faster, animal. Fighting is kind of like this, except that “slow member of the herd,” might actually be your opponent’s jab, inside leg kick, or takedown attempt.

Please don’t misinterpret this lesson as “I have all the time in the world in a fight.” That’s definitely not the point I’m trying to make. But there’s a balance that has to be found between speed and precision. If the lioness is faster than the wildebeest, but overshoots her target when going in for the kill, the result is the same as if the lioness had perfect targeting but was too slow.

  

Eventually resulting in over consumption of fast food, a problem more familiar to their domesticated counterparts.

 In truth, you may someday be violently attacked and all you will be able to do is react to the situation.  But as a first responder, I can tell you that even when the shit hits the fan, it’s important to keep a level head and use your brain. It’s not pleasant to think about, but if you were grabbed off the street and thrown into a van, panicking will not make that situation any better. Remember that Liam Neeson only found his daughter in “Taken,” because she was able to calm down, focus, and describe the man abducting her, before she had the phone taken from her. So when I say “be patient,” I mean: be as patient as the situation allows. And hope that Liam Neeson is coming to save you.

He might get around to it after killing the terrorists attempting to hijack his plane, surviving the resulting crash, fighting off a pack of wolves, and rescuing his daughter.

The 50/50:

The Breakdown:
This video starts with a man talking on a cell phone. He exchanges some heated words with another smaller guy, resulting in the smaller guy running inside to get a baseball bat. We then see a swing, a miss, and the smaller guy getting choked unconscious.
I’ve watched this video dozens of times. It is, quite possibly, my favorite internet fight video of all time. Sadly, I’ve never quite figured out what this fight was about.

If their relationship is anything like my marriage, it was over whose turn it was to clean the litterbox.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter much, to those of us viewing at home, what the fight was about. We still get an awesome display of how intercept an attack and also a lesson in the importance of not telegraphing your movements.

What Did We Learn?
Well aside from “how to intercept an attack,” “the importance of not telegraphing your movements,” and “how to choke someone out,” there are some interesting theoretical lessons here. I think the most important lesson here (aside from “big brother is ALWAYS watching you.” I mean, there’s audio and the camera zooms and everything, which is kind of creepy) is that you shouldn’t bring a weapon to a fight, if you aren’t prepared to use it. And in this case, “prepared” means not just a willingness to use a weapon in a fight, but also an understanding of HOW to use said weapon, in a fight.

For example: these work best when placed at an attacker’s feet. When they bend down to pick one up, BAM! Try not to confuse these with your throwing varieties of cats, that work best when projected, pointy side out, at an attacker’s face.

Given the location of this fight, a baseball bat was not a bad choice for a weapon. There’s plenty of room to wind up for a swing and a bat offers lots of grappling applications as well. The problem this guy has is he runs down the street screaming, waving the bat, and goes for the big outside swing as his opening move. It’s best to soften your target up a bit, either with thrusts to the face or body, or by taking out limbs-preferably the legs.

On the other side of the coin, it’s important to understand the gravity you add to a conflict by introducing a weapon. The big guy here had little choice in his reaction to the threat presented. It also would have been appropriate to knock the other guy out, stab, or even shoot him. Well…everywhere but New Jersey anyway.

This brings us to the legal lesson (go ahead and pour yourself some more wine. If anyone asks at this point, you can say you’re doing legal research, and pretend you’re still a reasonably classy individual). In MOST states in the US, what the big guy did in this video was perfectly legal. He was defending himself, and probably had the reasonable fear that this attack could lead him to become gravely injured. In a lot of US states, he could’ve gotten away with taking the other man’s life and probably would’ve been fine – legally speaking. However, some states (New Jersey, for example) have a “duty to retreat,” meaning that you’re required to turn around and run away, if someone attacks you with a bat. It is ultimately your responsibility to be familiar with, and understand, your state’s laws regarding self defense and what to do if you should be attacked.

I have an adorable attorney I can refer you to. Also, last cat joke, I promise.

Similarly, self defense insurance may be something you wish to look in to. Even if you were to shoot someone in your own home, you may find yourself in a court room at some point as a result. It is not uncommon for the families of criminals who have been killed while committing a crime, to file a civil suit against the person who killed their family member. So while you may feel like a victim, after someone broke into your home in the middle of the night, you may still have to defend yourself in court for protecting your family and property. Should you find yourself in this situation, I suppose you could always try bribing the judge with a box of adorable, cuddly, little…well you know…

When I said the last cat joke, was the LAST cat joke, I meant it!